Life

     A lot of people like to personify the word life, but for today's purposes, let's talk about how life alters every aspect of your daily routine. Some tragedies that you suffer through are just a part of life. Due to the fact that I am a mother who has a small child, I am still expected to live my life as if I was a single unwed childless person. I'm still expected to stay late and leave early.

    Live alters friendships. They said friendships either become more closely resembling a family setting to completely dissolving itself. Am currently in a place in my life where if you don't reach out to me, I definitely will not reach out to you. I had a small emergency happen this morning on my way to work, and the first thing I thought about was who was I going to call? If you had asked me five years ago, there would've been a list of about 10 people I would've called. Today, there was only two and both of those people are very close family to me. One being my husband and the other, my mother. Becoming a parent made me lose myself identity and in the past year and a half I have been trying to find my way back to a new form of me.

    I think this new version of me is better. That transformation that occurs from being childless to actually having children is absolutely beautiful. You learn how to be so stubbornly independent that ultimately the only people you need are the ones that were right there already. I am not defined by my motherhood, but it is a part of my identity. The journey of self transformation has really helped me realize what mattered all along. I was asked to go out after work today and my first thought was absolutely now. I only get a few hours each day with my child. When I'm weighing your time against my time with my child, family time will always outweigh that.

    So who is the new me? I live a very monotonous lifestyle therefore everything is super predictable. I think the new mean is so family centered that I can't deviate from the original plan. My solemn silent commute to and from work are also sacred to me as well. It is for my personal peace that I have that time alone. The new me has defined above, also consist of becoming self aware of my stress levels, my mindset, and my overall sense of place. 

    Man, all of that sounded cryptic. I will add more to this post later as I slowly discover what it means to be a mother and individual in 2026.

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