Expectations

     I never knew before becoming a true parent that people have unworldly expectations of mothers. My child is my whole world, and I dropped every bit of a social life that I had once I became my mother. I can truly say I only have two real friends in life now. I was expected to still continue to go on outings, be able to be there for other people at all times, and to be on call to answer various text messages throughout the evening and nights. These expectations were never met. I am slowly, just realizing that my support system is super small.

    Yesterday, I was so overwhelmed because I wasn't able to help out a friend. I am around kids all day and night so communicating with adults has somewhat been challenging for me. I am so accustomed to speaking to children that modern slang if it is not middle school aligned, I don't know how to communicate. I want to be there for the people who have been in my life for years, but it is almost impossible to be able to do that now. I am not complaining about being a parent. It is so hard for me just to pack up on the weekends and go and do things. All the planning that goes into an outing is beyond what I am mentally capable of right now. In the foreseeable future, I don't think I will be able to make all these extra events. My child comes first.

    I had the expectation that I would be out and doing things with Taylor all the time. In reality, I am so terrified she is going to get sick that I'm almost convinced that until it gets warm weather, I kinda wanna keep her as protected as possible. I will still take her to do my daily tasks, but we will not be visiting play areas anytime soon. I fear that there is this expectation that you are still supposed to live your life just the way you did before having kids. Things CHANGE! I'm a parent now and I might not be able to be there to fully support others because I am just trying to survive. And that's it folks. I am in a survival mode right now. I get through as many chores as possible, try my best to be a decent parent, and go to work the next day. Survival mode is a real thing. Stress really does push us to our limits. 

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