Lists Again

        While cleaning out some storage boxes today I found various books with list being used as book marks. These books are well worn and have been read dozens of times. The lists were left in chapters that I deemed important. I reread some of the saved items and soon discovered that I had a list of what my thirties need to look like. It's a laughable concept. I really had all these plans as to how my thirties would look and be. Let me share a few of them with you. 

#4. I will be an independent woman that doesn't rely on any man. 

#9. I will have obtained a master's degree in some field that has purpose. 

#21. I will live somewhere far away from town. 

#24. I will have the job I have been wanting my whole life. 

#31. Break away from family that doesn't see me for me. 

#39. Buy a car that no one else has ever owned. 


       Context:

        I wrote this list as a first year teacher. I was 21 that year and had over 65 items that I had planned to accomplish before or during my thirties. Many of the items are too personal to mention. Evidently, I really wanted to have a house full of children too, but there were no plans that included a husband. I was ambitious and thought I could conquer the world. I must have known that I didn't really ever want to live near other people. 

#4. Well I'm married now, but I could make it on my own again. So I guess I can mark that one off. Having a partner is helpful and knowing that he has my back is comforting. 

#9. Check A+

#21. I live in secluded area and have no close neighbors. 

#24. I did end up being a teacher and switching subjects and grades several times. 

#31. This one hits deep. It burns to my absolute core and smolders with embers ready to ignite. I had wanted to escape my dad's addiction. It had ruled over most of my childhood and had extended and ruined my early twenties. Drugs consumed his life and no one mattered. He did things and said things that will forever be ingrained in me. When he was high, he cut everyone down by verbally abusing them. I wanted out. 

#39. Yeah, that was a waste of money. I did it though and lost out on several thousand dollars the second I drove it off the lot. I'm still driving that car today. Don't ask how many miles are on it? She is paid off and is used daily. Young and dumb me had to have a NEW car. I didn't think about the payment or insurance hike of owning one. 




I think I will share some of my lists too. 

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