Life of the Party

      Oh, yes things can change in an instant here at the farm. One minute I'm just worried about work and the next... I'm single parenting for the remainder of the week. Can I juggle it all or will it topple over any minute?      My husband is currently in the hospital yet  again... here I am having to manage it all again as per the usual. He cannot help the circumstances he has been handed. I understand that, but man the timing is way off and it's already hectic here. Without the aid of my mother I wouldn't make it most days. I'm unsure how to navigate this week. Currently, I'm waiting on a call to see when he will go into surgery. 2.5 hours away and I can't do anything to help. I cannot go to him either because of our  comments here.  Stress List 1. Work (lack of planning) 2. Childcare this week 3. After school meetings that I will probably have to miss 4. Friendly "reminder" emails that are annoying me to death.  5. All farm chores w...

      I always have a secret laugh every time I read over the title of my blog. The party has been out of my life for a very long time. Motherhood and late thirties have taken their pound of flesh. These days my life consists of surviving.      Who can really get ahead in our current economy? I know that I work well over 40 hours per week and we barely break even. My husband works 40 hours and takes on extra just to be able to have breathing room. It shouldn't be like this.      The life of my party is my sassy outspoken three  year old who couldn't be quiet if her life depended upon it. The late nights and early morning snuggles is as close to a party as I can get. ABCs in the car and marshmallow fights fill my afternoons with nonstop noise. It all goes by so fast.  For those of you who still like to party.... Grow up, get a job, and do something with your life. 

    Well, honestly this is one of the best books I've had the pleasure of reading in a while. It had everything from a coming of age, war, love, loss, and family strains combined to make one heck of book. It took me a little over a month to read it, but it was well worth my time. The main character Jason French was phenomenal and the loyalty of brotherhood knows no bounds.      This was my first Hart book and I hope to read more by this author. I usually loath books about war vets because they usually romanize them. This book truly captured the heartlessness of what our men and  women to have to go through. I would love to just read a book about X and his life. Hopefully, that is what Hart's other books are about.      With no doubt.... this is a 5 out of 5 star book! I highly recommend that you take the time and check this book out. 

      I think I should update you all on my current life... I'm working, but it's only to pay bills. Living paycheck to paycheck is tiring and I haven't even saved up for this year's land taxes. Just when I think I might break even something else comes along and wipes it all away.      Life is hard, but so is all choices that we make. I drive an older paid off vehicle that I'm slowly waiting for it to die. I have used the same iPhone for the last seven years and there isn't an upgrade in sight. Currently, I'm budgeting on the basics like food and necessities. My medicine has to come second if other things need the money first. It shouldn't be like that though. I work 40 plus hours a week and I'm barely treading water. 

      Our cultural book club through my school system started back up this month with the above book. This is the first book that was chosen for our club that I absolutely did not like. I think the author forgot her main plot midway through the book and ramble on into other areas. When Emerson did seem to follow her plot line, the book was amazing.  Positives: - I loved the grandmother character, because she reminded me so much of my own grandmother.  - Her carefree best friend was super amazing too - The whole idea that she could see dead people      Overall, I can say I was not impressed with the style of writing or the character development. I did like the insight into Navajo culture. I had never heard about photographs, stealing the souls of people. Something is just missing from the book. I cannot put my finger on it. The book club meet tomorrow night and has their discussion. I fear that my opinion of the book will not be respected, so I wil...

      This August has been one for the books, literally. I've been so busy that it has all been a blur and to say I'm going to miss it would be a bald faced lie. One down, eight to go. I can get through this year. Juggling home life, work, and farm life has run me ragged.      It's currently, 7:42 and I've still got around an hour's worth of work to complete for tomorrow. I'm giving it my best and can honestly say... around 92%. The other 8% is lost in thought and translated as moments to myself. The guilt of working full time and being is mom is real. The world wants you to act and work like you're single with not other obligations, but in reality you have a family. Working outside of hours is impossible for me. I try to carve out an hour here and there to just get through the day.      Without my audiobooks my drive to work would be filled with stress and anticipation for the day. I'm thankful enough that I was gifted a membership. Mom knew...

          Warning... this may end up as a rant post. I'm exhausted and most of the time I just want silence and a good book to sooth the hectic workweek out of my memory. The constant input from surrounding family concerning my child is tiring as well. Lord, just give me a break and keep your comments to yourself. Yes, I know I look tired as heck, but bringing it up constantly is also tiring.      Let me rest on my days off. I wish to goodness my husband would understand this as well. Give me a solid 45 minutes of uninterrupted silence on Saturday and I'd be a happy camper. I cannot even go to the restroom without someone barging in. I'm snappy because I cannot sleep. No one else gets up with our toddler throughout the night. I love her, but man I wish she would just sleep. On average I get 4 to 4.5 hours per night and it just isn't enough while working full time.      The burn out is currently real and alive. I tried to sit down tw...

           Sometimes I wish I could roll back time and make different decisions. Redoing everything that led me up to this point in life. There are somedays that I just need a reset button. Today was strange and honestly I wish I could go back four years and change.      Change the decision I helped my husband support. Change how I saw the world in that very miserable moment in life. To simply think beyond myself and think about unintended intentions. Sometimes, I think about not marrying my husband and what life would have been like. I would never change having Taylor, but I do wish he still had his own son in his life. I see it in his eyes when someone asks about him and he simply has nothing to comment on.      My husband deserves better and maybe if I wasn't in the picture he would get to see his other kid. Maybe it was me all along? Sometimes, I wish I could see what the alternate future would have been like if I would hav...

 Uh... Sigh...     It's been a Monday all around. My husband is currently sick and cannot really help with any of the chores, so everything has to fall on me to pick up the slack. My afternoon was busy to say the least. Feeding and watering takes time. I was able to finish all my rings on my Apple Watch though, so that's a positive in itself.      I didn't have a planning period this morning, so I winged most of my lessons today. I'm so glad we prepped lesson plans all last school year, because it comes in handy when  you're in a time crunch. I lost my keys several times today as well. Guess where they were? Around my neck. I didn't get much sleep because Josh was up and down all night. Each time he left the bed I awoke.  I'm running on fumes at the moment. Wish me good luck tomorrow as we do this all again.