Life of the Party

      Well, I didn't exactly stop pursuing weight loss, however, I did stop wearing my Apple Watch everyday. My current weight is 222.5. I'm not proud of this nor am I bashing myself. It is what it is.      Progress: Walking as much as possible/ more water intake/ movement

      I've lived here my entire life, but sometimes it still takes by breath away. I get why so many people drives for hours just to visit, but keep in mind that it's your "vacation," but it's our home. The tourists come in droves each season and sometimes it just gets overwhelming.      I tried four times this afternoon to pull out on the main highway, but terrified I'd be run over by the sports cars. The winding country road is posted at 45 mph. These cars had to be doing over 60 and pulling out in a blind curve is intimidating. I was passed on double yellow lines twice before making it to the dump. I know you guys come here to have fun and "race," but please slow it down. Some of us would just like to throw away our trash without being in a major crash.      I'm hoping the new highway being build in our area will deter them from racing. 

      Sometimes, you just have to let things slow down and take a different perspective.  Sometimes that breather will allow you to fully understand the whole situation. I've been dealing with the stress of not having health coverage for my child for days now.      It is what it is. I'll add her back as soon as possible. Until then, I will be making payments on any and all medical things that she needs. It's not the end of the world. Debt cannot eat me alive, and there is always money to be made. This next seven months may end up, bankrupting me, but it also may not. I will continue to take her to her regular appointments. In the event, she needs to see the specialist before I get coverage again I will just make payments.      This minor annoyance is something I will get past.

   My field has some new neighbors that have moved in. It's a small herd of does that are absolutely gorgeous. I think the biggest one is the Momma of all the smaller females.  Guess what? They ALL seem to be super pregnant and ready to deliver their fawns.  I spent my afternoon watching them graze along side my goats. I let the goats out to free range and the deers just joined in. I should have taken some pictures of that as well. I didn't know they would coexist that well.  I might decide to name them just for fun. I keep my distance and observe them. When they followed the goats back inside the fence line I made noises so they would leave.  Spending time outside has really helped me today. It's a moment of silence that I truly needed to really stop stressing about everything. 

      I'm still here trudging through this mess. Stress is eating away at me and I'm so lost at the moment that I cannot seem to get anything right. I got to dreaded call today... we in fact do not qualify for any assistance for Taylor. Speechless, breathless, hopelessness has taken over.      My husband said, "God will provide." I wasn't raised in a religious setting, but I did attend church with my grandma. I hope Josh is right. 

      Have you ever made a decision or quickly signed a paper in haste only to realize years later that honestly you were an idiot? Let me back the story up a bit. I took Taylor to her an annual visit to her pediatrician only to discover that her medical insurance had been canceled. I spent several hours on the phone, emailed multiple people, and finally discovered today what had happened.     I'm so thankful that we have office staff who answer emails promptly. Back in 2024 we had an open enrollment day. I remember the day clearly because the only time slot I could go down was half of my planning. Because of how late open enrollment day started and my planning period coincided with that time. I was in a rush. Taylor was 18 months old so I was still only getting around 3 to 4 hours of sleep or not and working 40+ hours a week. Being exhausted was an understatement. I didn't even get to talk to the representative because I was trying to rush through before my stu...

      Sometimes, I really hate living on a farm. Farm life isn't always like the movies portray it to be and with new birth comes death. Today was  terrible and heart breaking at the same time. Things happen and lessons were and are learned.      I pleaded with my husband multiple times not to introduce my new goat to the herd. I bought her at the sale and have been working with her for over a month to gain weight and trust. Her previous owners must have had her hobbled. I had to help where the ropes had shredded her legs right where the hoofs were. Who does that? Her previous owners were absolutely ridiculous. I would never do an animal like that.  She was so thin when she first came to the house. She was mellow and sweet. I spent weeks gaining her trust only to burry her early this morning. My heart is broken. She would finally come when I called. My other goats out weigh her by 50lbs or more. I think they rough housed her too much.   ...

      Time sure does fly when you have a toddler. It seems like yesterday I was swaddling my small NICU baby and praying that she gains weight. Tomorrow, my baby turns the big 3 and I don't know how to feel about it. I've cried several times tonight already. She had such a rough start to life that I just don't think I'll ever get over it. PPD about took me out while also dealing with the death of Taylor's twin.      Stats: NICU 8 days      6 days of life support      Birth Weight: 6.5lbs     Length: 22in      I gave birth to twins and her sister didn't make it.      She had a head of blackish/brown hair and dark brown eyes. They transitioned to a light blue and bright blonde hair with in the first eight months of her life. We've battled two cancer scares, scans, treatment, seizures, and sleepless nights. She hasn't slept through the night EVER! She had stitches before she could even walk ...

    This week has held so many issues that I cannot possibly think straight. Starting a week with a massive field trip was not a good idea. I got over 15 thousand steps in that day alone. We worked a 12.45 hour day followed by an 1.5 hour drive home. I'm exhausted.      We also have up and coming EOGs as well. I think sometimes I just take on more than I can actually do in a single day. With all the chores at home, I don't think I can keep treading water... drowning in tasks is taking over my mental health. I cannot be in all these places at once.        Why am I up? I'm so stressed out that I cannot sleep and I'm done fighting it. At least this way I'm not sitting there in the dark.      Two more weeks...