Lists

    Analyzing my current behaviors has been somewhat informative. I wonder if there is some weird diagnosis for people who have to have lists to function? I have to have the lists checked off in order to feel accomplished. It's strange to really think about it all. The lists are do not serve as reminders, but more of importance. I arrange items based upon the tasks at hand and what matters most, which often leads to a massive let down for me. 

     My current list consists of the many chores that need to be done that go beyond the daily tasks. Mostly things that need to be repaired or moved. Lists assist me in my daily life of routine. I live a monotonous life and each day is basically a replica of the day before. Nothing changes and that is to be expected. When new things to arise, I really struggle with change. I even have list for school as well and I make various lists for my students as well. 

    We have lists of missing work, agendas, and next steps. Maybe teaching is a way to use my "super power" of lists for the greater good. My husband seems to really be annoyed by my endless lists. He finds them on my desk and really tries to get everything done, but they are not for him. If things are not done correctly I will redo them at a later date. I started making lists as a coping mechanism for my anxiety during college. Being so overwhelmed with multiple classes and assignments got the best of me and I crumbled under the immense pressure to succeed. My advisor met with me and showed me his tricks to get everything done. It's all about prioritizing, "put first things first." My entire undergrad time hosted a massive LIST on my dorm room wall. Thankfully, I didn't have to share a room with someone who didn't understand. 

      Mom had me tested several times for the spectrum and honestly, I wonder if they really knew everything about it back then. Do people seeks answers for their mannerisms as an adult? Would it benefit me to really know? I have OCD tendencies where I have to always do things a precise way. I wish I had the cleanliness crazy that people often associate with it. 

     Don't mention going to therapy. Been there and done that! It was well worth my time and effort to attend those sessions. I do not think that would be the appropriate avenue to go down in order to find answers to my many questions. 

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