Today

     Today I sit and ponder what accomplishments I have achieved this year. Some big and small ideas circulate through my mind. It's not about fancy materialistic items that I have obtained this year or awards I didn't receive. My accomplishment was, "I survived, thrived, and made it here." 

    I know that isn't much of an explanation. Some people might not really grasp what I'm trying to say and some people might not even care. Battles are not often what people see, they can and are what happens behind closed doors. I made it another year without complete failure, so I'm proud about that. Depression and anxiety didn't get the best of me on days when I almost gave up. I learned new skills and developed new hobbies. The road that spans across this year was long, treacherous, and scary.  Mom guilt is a real thing and it consumed me entirely. It took things from me that cannot be described. I'm still shaken by the days of deep depression where all I could do is the basics. Even talking to other adults was a struggle. I withdrew from the world and became somewhat of a hermit. I was hyper-focused on life at home. I couldn't see what I had right in front of me. I had family and friends there to talk to. Communication goes both ways and I needed to do my part as well. 

    This year I thrived. I learned new skills and how to be more self sufficient here at home. I do more things independently here at the farm without my husband's assistance. Even learning through failure and trail/ error has been an accomplishment all on its own. I thrived by growing my own vegetables  and collecting eggs. I was able to help with kidding season and actually be knowledgeable about what was expected. Thriving means that I am growing as a farm hand. Each season brings new adventures that I need to be prepared for. I have learned to build and construct coops and shelters. 

    Making it here consisted of me finding myself and discovering confidence that was otherwise hidden in the deep dark pits of despair. I desperately needed to just get here. Here in the now, here on the other side, here and safe. Making it here meant the I had to face my insecurities of being alone. My family is still intact but if you would have asked me six months ago, I would have said something completely different. Mindset has everything to do with success and failure. Not friendships, relationships or health can get you through dark times.     

     I guess I want to end this post by saying...

   You made it here because you did something right. You made a difference and thrived. There is some reason you get to carry on to live another day. Pay it forward!