Dementia

     Well, folks I do believe my mom has the first stages of dementia. She's forgetful, agitated all the time, and is extremely egressive in the late afternoon hours. She retails me things she's already stated and is easily emotional. She's always wanting some sort of confrontation and makes it seem like I'm the problem. I was raised by two narcissistic parents that I could never do enough for. Nothing I did was ever right. I graduated from high school with honors, and college twice with a 4.0, but it has never seemed to be their versions of perfect.  So here we are again... I cannot do anything right. Even my cooking cannot please her. 

    I'm over her mean inconsiderate comments and undermining actions. She angers me to no end. I need a break! When she doesn't get her way she pitches these toddler tantrums, much like the ones my own child has now. I feel like I have two toddlers to deal with all the time. I have to walk on eggshells day and night because I may do something that "upsets" her. She's ridiculous. 

    I'm tired is all I can say. She doesn't see or hear herself doing any of this, but it's emotionally draining on me. Once again I'll be the one who has to do it all for her. I've more or less been her caregiver for years.  She thinks she independent, but in all honesty.... She's not. She would just sit around and do absolutely nothing if I wasn't around. She has isolated herself and I cannot even have people over because I'm so embarrassed of her behaviors. 



    Don't get me wrong. I love my mother, but man this is hard and frustrating.     

    

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lists Continued

 I will share some of my old lists. Not all content is sharable.   #14. Leave all unfinished business in the past.      I wish I could tell you guys what this was referencing, but I cannot remember. This list was made so many years ago. I wanted to do "this" before I turned 30. I can just about bet it had something to do with an old flame or some transgression I had with a peer. In my younger years I was so full of life bursting with opinionated attitude. Not caring what others thought about me was freeing in many ways. It was my way or the high. I was not well liked and often struggled with friendships. The younger me was so self confident and self assured. I knew what I wanted and went for it. She could have conquered the world. I was voted by my peers my high school year as being the most outspoken. I would say my peace and move on.      I admire the younger me. She was inspiring and willing to push through what ever wall got in her way. I gues...
Read more

Lists 2.0

 #40. Fly in a plane.  Check A+.       I did end up flying in a plane. The year I turned 30 was one of the best year's of my life so far. My best friend/ sister convinced me to go to the infamous Vegas. The four hour flight was breathtaking and I will forever remember the feeling of lifting off. I do not ever really want to fly again. We hit some MAJOR turbulence on the way home and I was frightened to the point I had a panic attack.      We enjoyed seven days of shows,  shopping, and exploring. We averaged over 15,000 steps a day and slept well at night. That was what life was like before children. My sister and I could take off with a moment's notice and go where ever. We took off to NYC to watch the ball drop one year. As it turns out it isn't an actual ball at all.  #45. Save a life.      Well, this one is really out there. Let me think...   I have saved a life but not like a you are thinking though. I go and...
Read more

Lists Again

        While cleaning out some storage boxes today I found various books with list being used as book marks. These books are well worn and have been read dozens of times. The lists were left in chapters that I deemed important. I reread some of the saved items and soon discovered that I had a list of what my thirties need to look like. It's a laughable concept. I really had all these plans as to how my thirties would look and be. Let me share a few of them with you.  #4. I will be an independent woman that doesn't rely on any man.  #9. I will have obtained a master's degree in some field that has purpose.  #21. I will live somewhere far away from town.  #24. I will have the job I have been wanting my whole life.  #31. Break away from family that doesn't see me for me.  #39. Buy a car that no one else has ever owned.         Context:         I wrote this list as a first year teacher. I was 21 ...
Read more