Special Find

     If you know one thing about me, you know that I live for reflection. I love looking back at past note, lists, and journal entries. Personal reflection has always been something that I value beyond anything. It helps me grow as a person, as well as, sort through my emotions. 

    Flipping through one of my old books, I came across a note that said "one day you will not be a *uck up." The exact memory came rushing back like a flooded basement. It completely engulfed me, surrounding me in my dad's hateful words. I choked up for a few moments as the memory flashed before my eyes. I was always a disappointment to my father and wanted nothing more than to make him proud. His favorite phrase was the one above. Everyone has a past, trauma, and misdeeds. Everyone suffers, so I am no different. 

    It was in that moment that I realized that I have become everything he wasn't or couldn't be. This is a VERY personal topic for me. He was such a harsh person at times that it often shut me down. I was at the top of my class, even in college, but it was never good enough. The illiterate man who still haunts my flashbacks couldn't even read. What was I really trying to live up to? His words hardened me as a child and I don't think I ever really recovered. 

    This was a special find because it brought peace. I am ENOUGH and I was always enough. He just couldn't see it and he wanted to tear me down. 

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