Life of the Party

      Once you become a parent your whole perspective of New Years Eve changes. Long gone are the parties and late night shenanigans. We will be in the bed and fast asleep by 9:00 at the latest. There will be no 12:00 toast going on in my life.         You are expected to change most things once you become a parent. I agree with this whole heartedly. My child is the most important person in my life. I think I can also safely say that she is more important that my relationships with other family members. Her well being and happiness comes first. I have anticipated her first words, steps, and expressions.         Consumed in parenthood is the only way I can describe my current situation. This might change once she gets a little older, but for now she has the spotlight on her.      Tonight while everyone is out celebrating I'll be here celebrating the small things. I still beyond thankful for my child, this exp...

    I'm not impressed on how they treat their older customers. If you pay in full they should deliver. Mom has a receipt in hand that was given to her. This is why I have stopped paying in cash. Local small town businesses take advantage of their older clients. Mom doesn't even write checks. They employee young clerks to work the front office. I bet she put the cash in her pocket and didn't even apply it to Mom's account. 

       No one really talks about the strange week that follows Christmas. We are currently off on Christmas break and I have just totally fell out of touch with what day it is. Patiently waiting for New Years Eve has been such a long wait. This week has passed by so slowly.          Everyone in the house is still sick with Covid. I'm literally a walking shell of who I was before the virus. My poor baby has had the worst of it all. She is still having complications from the original outbreak. Honestly, I thought I had cleared it and was moving on. I was WRONG. Every symptom has returned and all my energy has been drained. The worst part is not being able to communicate with my baby. I long for the day that she can talk to me.        Back to this ODD week.        I forgot about planning for the new semester. I forgot about emails and papers being due. I think a lot of this stress and agitation can be dire...

     As strange as it may sound I think every year is a new chance to make some changes. This year brought many highs and lows, so here's to hoping the new year will bring about some massive change and positive vibes.  Reflections       I count the birth of my children as a blessing. Although only one made it, it was still an experience that will forever humble me. Taylor is beyond any thing I could have imagined. The pregnancy itself was a tremendous accomplishment in itself. I was told for years not to have children, and making it out with one is a miracle all of its own.       2023 has taught me patience and pride. No one is above their own actions and every action has its own reaction. I believe everything comes at its own time. I want to get back to my previous pre-pregnancy weight. This is something I'll have to work on each day. Nothing comes quickly or easily.       Husbands deserve to be cherished t...

    She didn't get the fairy tail Christmas I was hoping for. She is still weak and running a slight fever. Taylor is beyond cranky and irritable. I think however, she did enjoy the Christmas tree. We finally felt well enough to put the old girl up. We've been using the same tree for years. We always make sure we get our money out of items like this. We added our newest ornaments to the tree. The tree wasn't surrounded with gifts. Money isn't everything and sometimes bills are more important than lavish gifts.  Our little family is all that was present.       I got her some basics like diapers and clothes. I didn't go overboard. I feel like this should have been a happier time with Taylor. No one feels well and she's been very clingy. I spend most of my wake hours calming her along with making sure she's getting some fluids in.        This Christmas I'm thankful for our small family of three. I do miss my step-son, but maybe he will...

       These past few months have been tiring to say the least.  Taylor doesn't sleep well and only sleeps in four hour cycles at the moment. I'm really looking forward to sleep six plus hours again.  A few days ago I felt like a truck had driven over me. I was sore for no reason at all. Testing for Covid has become part of our "norm." As soon as I got the results back I was deeply saddened.          I'm absolutely terrified that she will having last effects from this virus. My symptoms have started to clear up, but her symptoms have just started. Hearing her cough nonstop is heart wrenching. She doesn't feel well and will often scream. She doesn't understand and hasn't started talking yet. The pediatrician said to give her Motrin and Tylenol. I wish there was more I could do. My momma heart wish I could take it all away. We have been battling this virus for a few days with Taylor. She cannot sleep and getting her to eat has proved ...

    Where has the time gone? Everyday is passing by way too fast. I blinked back in August and now it's suddenly November. Taylor is a bundle of joy and each day she is gaining knowledge of how the world works. Today, she discovered that as the leaves fall she gets to enjoy them. We spent over 30 minutes outside enjoying this Fall weather. This time next year she will be up and running around. I know these days will not last, and she will grow up fast. Cherishing these moments is beyond incredible.       November was my grandfather's favorite month. He got to eat whatever he wanted for Thanksgiving and his birthday followed. Our table would be filled with food and laughter. I look back and remember all the family gatherings we used to have. Now who is around my table is completely different. It's nice to have my little family, but I miss the ones who have passed on. With a new child you get to create new traditions, so any suggestions would be greatly appre...

         When did things change? I was perplexed to hear that kids no longer go trick-or-treating. It is "a thing of the past," or at least that is how it was expressed to me. Childhood memories flood in about dressing up and driving around in the dark to collect candy while my parents chatting with the neighbors. I look forward to either making my costume or purchasing one. Maybe it is safer to having a gathering in a well lit area with set expectations of what is to go on. I will always be biased though.         My child is still too young to enjoy the delights of these festivities. It just doesn't seem as if the kids will have the same experience of knocking on the door. 

     The dreaded time of year as approached me. My birthday is today and I have almost hit my mid thirties. Year 33 has brought so many new things into my life that I cannot fathom what 34 has in store for me. My outlook on aging may seem strange to some. I'm thankful to have another chance to live. There are so many of my peers that would have loved to see year 34.       My husband has been a true gem. He as set up a very special day for me. I was to get up and be dressed in "a nice outfit." He arranged for a babysitter and prepared the baby bag. He surprised me with a day to ourselves. This is was the best birthday I have had in a while. Last year we didn't even celebrate it, so I feel blessed to say the least. 

      Oh how I miss the days of sleeping in, or at least getting seven straight hours of sleep. No one talks about the sleep regression cycles your young one goes through. She was sleeping almost eight hours straight, but now it's cut up into sections. She wakes up at different times, and getting her back to sleep is a total nightmare.       I have tried to keep the same routine and we are sticklers for a set bedtime. She absolutely refuses to take naps during the day. I don't know how she is functioning. With her weird schedule I have found that my performance at school has drastically declined. I walk into work as a sleepless zombie. Lesson planning and grading no longer occur at home. If I cannot get it done during my work hours, it just doesn't get completed. This has somewhat made me more present at home. I'm no longer worried about making time to sit to complete these tasks. Having children has also reset my opinion on homework. We just don't do ...

 Here I am another day closer to year 34. Everyone seems to hate aging, but I wear it as a badge. I've got time to reflect and I'm taking full advantage of it.  Year 33     Highs  -Being pregnant -Experiencing the birthing process  -Learning who I am as a parent  -Watching my husband rock being a "girl dad" -Bringing home Taylor  -Seeing my child smile for the first time -Finding peace with my past Lows - Having twins, but one not making it.  - Loss of a baby. I didn't even get the chance to know who she is/was. Taylor will never get to have a sister/twin -Postpartum Depression  -Therapy 

        The leaves have changed so fast this Fall. I cannot believe the difference this crisp air and Fall vibes makes. I'm back to wearing warm vests and drinking hot coffee. My mornings are filled with the urgency of packing for work and packing up the baby to go to the sitter. The warm sips of coffee on my way to work are a small reward in comparison to what each day holds. Teaching is both rewarding and stressful at the same time.       I was named team leader of the seventh grade this year. Living up to those expectations are no easy feat. There is more to this role than what I originally anticipated. Planning and scheduling for the team block is more than tiresome somedays. It's hard to find common time for everyone to meet. I'm beyond thankful for a new team this year. These new team members have made this year pass by so fast. We have the wonderful opportunity to do cross curriculum activities with our students. Finding the balance of pare...

         This month always brings back so man memories of a past life. Growing up I anticipated October each year patiently waiting for hunting season to open. My yard would be full of my dad's hunting party. Campers and tents lined the yard along with the smell of coffee that was always being made on the fire. The hunters would stay the whole first week of bear season. It became a tradition and we even had a huge trout fish fry the night before opening day. This is all a thing of the past now. All the older men that my dad hunted with have mostly perished from various illnesses and the younger ones have moved on with their lives.         My mom would prep for days. She would clean and have bunks made everywhere to accommodate the crew. There would be nightly fires down at the fire pit with shared beverages. I can almost compare it to a family reunion. These men watched me grow up and helped mold me into the person I am today. I knew the...

       I'm raising an amazing daughter, but at the same time I'm raising a goat herd. It has always been my dream to farm, but on a small scale. My husband is well versed in farming and was actually raised on a small farm here in NC. My daughter will have the opportunity to grow up with a first hand love for animals. We currently have various chickens, turkeys, and goats on our small track of land. This is land that I inherited from my paternal grandfather. It has been in my family for generations. Unfortunately, family members did not have the same opinion of family land as I did. So most of the property was lotted off and sold at a low price. I wish I would have had the money to keep it together. One day this place will be passed down to my daughter in hopes that she will value it as much as I do. Land taxes eats up a chunk of my pay each year, but I think it is more than worth it.       I like the idea of taking on this new adventure. It gives ...

      There are all these things our children are supposed to be doing, so what happens when your child doesn't meet the milestones? Not everyone develops at the same rate. Month 4.5 can be summed up in one word, "fear."       To put it simply. I fear everything. I plan ahead and scout out the potential dangers and risks. For the first time in years I even got the flu shot to help avoid potential sickness. I didn't want Taylor to catch it from me. My child hasn't been meeting all of her milestones, and I fear that it is something I have done wrong as a parent. The grasps of postpartum depression was a real battle for me. I had to attend therapy sessions and even be put on medication for a short while. I have recently been released from both. This is a set back for me personally. I want everything for Taylor, but I do not know what I have done or haven't done to help her reach this.       As a parent, I'm constantly told that it isn'...

       Man.... It has been such a long time. Quick update. I have had my own child and no longer foster kids. Parenthood has changed my complete thought process. Lack of sleep is really something that new parents go through. I always imagined that new parents experienced the "zombie" phase, but it was so much more. She is four months old and still doesn't sleep for more than four hours at a time.        I'm 33 and it has been a rollercoaster year with many highs and lows. My baby girl is beyond beautiful. The love that you have for your own child has no bounds. I instantly knew that motherhood was my new purpose the second I got to see her on the ultrasound. I thought is was always a cliche statement that new parents expressed. I love her and it has made me into a better person.          Maybe, I waited too late in life to experience this new joy, but I'm going to give it my best shot. I didn't get the opportunity to be a ...