Life of the Party

               Western North Carolina is being hit hard with RAIN!   We had about 30 minutes of sun today, and as it heated up the storm clouds came crashing in. My crop's roots will rot if this rain continues. I was late to work this morning because there was multiple trees blocking my drive way. Our power has been unstable for days, and the lake seems like it's going to burst.                 

       I had to complete a sleep study and the result indicated that I have sleep issues. I have had my machine for about 3 weeks and honestly it sucks. I'm having time adjusting to the pressure and the heated air. I'm glad I have started this weight loss program because I would have never found the other issues.        Last night I woke up panicked and choking. The power went off due trees falling. I couldn't get the light on, and my mask wouldn't unbuckle. I ended up ripping it off and screaming for mom. I'm hesitant about trying this again. It's funny to think about it NOW, but when it was happening, I was really freaked out!        Monday is my big weigh in day, and I'm terrified to see the numbers. I'm still struggling with sleep and dieting. I'm so tired by the time I get home that exercise is the furtherest thing from my mind. Tonight I took 30 minutes to complete...

     People my age are always questioning everything, so I questioning true meaning in music. I spend a large quantity of time listening to different genres of music, and I come to see that meaning has really left the music. The lyrics are about sex, drugs, alcohol, and gang related materials. What happened to music that brought emotions into our hearts?      I can remember being a young teen singing along with the radio, and being "in" the music. I just don't think our youth experiences this anymore. Everything has become so digitalized that they have lost the ability to picture what the songs are talking about. To them it's all about the beat.       My best friend had me listen to Logic's new album. He seems to rap about his life as a biracial American. I think he is going to be the next big thing in Hip Hop. I really hope to see his transformation!   What do you guys think?  Is this something you have found to be tru...

Summer  Summer is spent in hot humid days  Lazy days surrounded by a foggy haze  As time slips away Tomorrow is just another day  We lose track to time  As each day meets it rhyme  The lake is time well spent  and night fires are well lit  Lightening bugs surround us all  as we await the approaching Fall The smell of fresh cut grass  still is a soft place to land our ass The creeks are a nice retreat  but our nicely tanned skin is no real feat tan lines and sun glasses  come on and party with the masses  Its the time of year to worship the sun  don't worry about ruining all the fun  running through the sprinklers is what I imagine  also chasing the cloud dragons  Family outings await us all  as we measure up to whose tall picking black berries  and eating all the wild cherries 

Life Life is not easy, and it does go on Life leaves you like hanging up a phone Life is something that you cannot forget Life is running in the rain while getting wet Life is about making memories Life is about climbing trees Life is facing fears that hold you down Life is getting out of your small town Life is about taking chances Life is making up your own dances Life is about finding your own confidence Life is knowing there is no true consequence Life is about making sound decisions Life is about making having provisions Life is learning Life is finding that yearning Life is about quenching that thrust Life is not about always being first Life leaves us always wanting more Life is like hitting the floor 

Poem #153 I watched you go I watched you as you walked away  You didn't have anything left to say You turned the corner and never looked back  You didn't see my panic attack  What did a child do to deserve such treatment  To grow up with such resentment  You said you always wanted a son  Not a girl with her hair tied in bun I excelled in everything I do  But none of that matters to you  The look of disappointment always in your eyes  because I could always see beyond your lies  I watched you tear my family apart leaving my mother with a broken heart Drugs was always on your priority list Leaching the life out of you like a cancerous cyst  

    It's the last week of school for our students, and for me it is so depressing. I spent the morning packing up materials that I might possibly want to use next year. I watched another group of extraordinary eighth graders be promoted into the ninth grade. I had taught this group all three years they were in middle school. It's hard to believe that time has passed this fast!       I can still remember their first days of 6th grade. They came into middle school as small quiet students' and they have left transformed into teenagers ready to tackle their freshmen year!  As teachers we wear so many hats. On a daily average I'm a teacher, parent, disciplinarian, nurse, counselor, and friend. Only teachers would understand how much the last few days of schools are special. The kids change so much over the summer.      I dread the end of school. I feel as if I didn't get enough time to teach everything I wanted to cover. We...

Poem #152 Where will we go? Where will we go when all the world is lost and at what cost Where will we lay our heads down at night Who is going to fight our fight  Where will we end up at the end of the day Who will have that final say What rectangle hole will I be lowered down into  Only to forget a degree I didn't pursue  Who will be there in my last days Who will help me see through the haze  Did I do enough to make it in  Or did I live my life in complete sin Where will they lay me to rest Did I pass that final test Did I live a true life Or did I die being someone's ex-wife I was often think about the future and where I will end up. We all go through the same process of death, but I wonder who will be there and how everything will play out?  I'm not morbid, but at the same time I want to live a worthy life. We only get one chance at this! 

        Oh the dreaded treadmill has tackled again!  As I was completely my daily exercise, the power decided to flicker! This may seem harmless, but in reality this could potentially be fatal. The mat stopped and I continued to walk. When the power came back on, I was in the process of getting off the machine. The mat started back up and flung me into the wall. As comical as this all may seem, I was severally pissed! I don't know if it was the anger of my failure or the situation itself, but I decided to kick the machine.            Now my back and foot hurts!  I'm the one to blame. Getting Serious....           I have been working extra hard to deal with my weight. The hardest part for me is saying no. I avoid dinners and meals because I don't want to mess up. I see all these commercials on television and wonder what I'm doing wrong. It can't be this hard, but for me it is. After having two kne...

Lost Lost is the one who cannot find her way Who sees nothing but today She is the one who doesn't try new things Who ignores her folded wings Lost is the one who runs from everything new Who only belongs to the few She is the one who will always be alone  The doesn't pick up the ringing phone  Lost is the one who screams silently  Who loves violently  She is the one who ends up being strong Who has a journey that is long

Memorial Day     This weekend is most people's excuse to go out and party, but this girl is stuck here at home with strep throat. Mom and I waited until dark last night to go decorate graves, because I didn't want to make anyone sick. This stillness of the summer afternoon was very unsettling. Every family has different customs or traditions.  We usually spend every Memorial Day at the grave yard visiting family and decorating. This is a time for remembrance of our loved ones who passed serving our country.   I have never missed a Saturday, and if feels very strange to not be visiting with family.      Decoration      This is also the weekend that we decorate all our family's graves. This is as acred celebration where the we show our pride by displaying lavash flower decorations. Only in the south would you find a competition in flowers for head stones. It is publicly frowned upon if you leave a loved one's grave un-flowe...

The End...      I have just recently finished my master's program at Western Carolina University. This proved to be a long process of writing papers and completing research. The stress of having a full time job and being a full time student was tremendous.       I woke up this morning alarmed.  I thought that a project was due.  It has been a real life style change to transition back into a normal routine free from homework. I think I miss having deadlines and online meetings. As a teacher, I feel as if learning never truly ends, but rater it changes forms throughout each day. 

    I was surprised to find out that I would be eating 6 small meals a day.   This seems so strange to be eating so often and trying to lose weight at the same time. I have currently lost 5lbs and this is fantastic!   I started off at 261 and I'm counting down. I'm working on the movement portion of this life change. After two knee surgeries, I have lost my ability to sustain any rigorous exercise for any amount of time.       Oh how I loath meal replacement shakes! The sweetness and texture is enough to make me puke. Do any of you guys have any suggestions?     Come on! I need some encouragement!   The summer is almost here and school is almost over. I'm ready to spend some time nuturing myself. 

IT'S A NIGHT FOR CELEBRATION!!!    Today marks the last day of my master's program. I submitted my research project and I'm awaiting my final grades. This has been a long tough journey!  I can't believe it's all over, and I'm ready to move forward with my life. This program was more than a degree. I found who I was as a teacher!     I have started the process for weight loss surgery and this too has proved to be a trying journey. Attending weekly diet classes and appointments has been a real hassle, but I know everything will pay off in the end. There is a huge chance that my diabetes will go away and that I might not have to use the awful Cpap machine. I know this will not be an easy transition, but I must try something different.  I will try to keep you guys posted!