Life of the Party

     It's raining again here in the mountains of North Carolina. As we sit and watch the morning greet us, we realize that today is a new day, a new start. I sip my coffee calmly on the front porch steps and breath in deeply the scent of rest. Mom has decided that breakfast needs to be made so I can hear her cooking. It's moments like this that I cherish most. 

    This is an image of me from about a week ago. I can see that my face is changing. I'm no where that I need to be, but its a work in progress! 

     I'm excited to announce that I'm on track! I was super stressed about not keeping up the momentum, but she said that I'm doing just fine. I think I have been doing really well with the eating side of the deal, but the exercising portion is not going so well. I do lift weights, but getting the cardio in is very tiresome. I have a hard time staying focused and into the workout.     I will try to make an effort to really stick with my routine.   I'll keep you guys posted!  

         So it's December and I'm nearly a month out from surgery. Wow, the time has passed by super fast and that is okay. I'm 25lbs down and counting. I don't know what the average should be, but this is progress. I'm still struggling with food in general. Sometimes I still over eat and have to deal with the repercussions of that. The pain is crippling at times. Advice:        I would still recommend getting the surgery if you're determined to make a life change. You need to know that this isn't the easy way out or the "best" way. I struggle each day with food choices, but I still manage to hang in there. I would suggest that you go to all the classes that they recommend. Remember to keep your water count up! 

        The first week after wls is nothing to joke about. I feel as if I'm endlessly drinking some sort of fluid. I did manage to get in all of my fluid intakes both days at home. I had to spend an extra night in the hospital (Mission) due to some high blood sugar counts. What were they expecting? All they had given me to drink was Core Power shakes, which is loaded with sugars and carbs.  FYI I'm not a fan of Core Power!          I haven't been on a scale yet, but I'm sure I'm still the same weight. I'm swelled to pop. Walking seems to be the only relief in sight! Here are some things to remember: 1. When you get home pick out some very comfy clothes 2. Don't worry about what you look like 3. Drink, drink, drink! 4. Make sure you get up and walk (it helps) 5. Note any changes 6. Try to be as comfortable as possible.        I have personally been using Glucerna Shakes, and I think they are the ...

    Monday is the big day for my weight loss surgery (wls). I'm currently weighing in at 262.3. I started way heavier, but I'm working my way down. I'm a bundle of nerves as the hours click by. Honestly, Monday couldn't get here any sooner. I think when it is actually here the anticipation will die down some. I've been on the liquid diet for 12 days in total. I must say that it does cause some questioning of what I want to "eat."      I will begin to post pictures, as soon as, I get out of the hospital. I picked the Mission Weight Loss Management facility to start this journey. They have treated me well, but driving the two hours to Asheville is very annoying. I guess this is to be expected! Where I live there are no programs offered.  May Monday be a blessing.       I wanted to have wls because I was told it would help my diabetes. This alone is worth the risk! I'm tired of fighting the battle of checking my sugar 24/7.   Wi...

Football It's the sound of the loudest fan It's the loud music of the band It's the intense moment of the game It's the moment of instant fame It's the blood, sweat, and tears It's the moment of no fears It's the coach screaming plays Its the long practices most days This is a work of progress. I will try to remember to post the final piece. 

    This school year is going to be great! We are off to a wonderful start, but I'm stuck at home for a few days. I'm super upset that I'm missing work, but kidney stones really hurt. I tried to go to work yesterday, and I was sent home.       I hate missing school days. My students will get behind without me there to guide them. I wonder if all teachers feel this way when they cannot be there? This feeling of guilt has washed over me and will not go away. It's the beginning of the school year, and I need to be there to uphold classroom structure and a safe learning environment.     What I've done today- - Checked my student's blog accounts to read about what is happening during their literature circles  - Graded last week's papers and provided student feedback - Planned for student stations to begin on Thursday

   School starts back tomorrow for teachers, and it's bitter sweet. I miss my students, peers, and schedule, but I really enjoyed my time off. I logged into our school system today, and my students have not been placed in my classes yet. I'm excited to see what this school year will bring. I will have more time to devote to lesson plans, because I will not longer be in grad classes. I'll actually get to use some of the information I gathered during school.     I had a student send me welcome back messages through my school email.  I was excited to know that they miss their teachers too! I don't completely disconnect with my students during the summer, but I do use our school related apps to answer questions that they send me.  Goodbye Goodbye to the lazy late mornings  Goodbye to the leisure times wasted on reading  Goodbye to the social media apps that always keep my attention  Goodbye to the lake and all its contents Goodbye to...

    When I think about summer, I often think about the lake, camp fires, and marshmallows. I'm sad to say that this summer has been filled with none of these precious delights. I've missed the past summers of fun and excitement. Mom just doesn't feel like getting out and doing things, and most of my friends have children. I really try to avoid those situations where children are involved. I have to deal with them enough at school. 

Early Morning  It is in the early morning hours  That you can truly see the beautiful flowers The dew is still dripping off the vines The berries are ready to make some fine wines  The sun is still hidden  and at this time sunscreen is forbidden  The birds sing their happy tune  For it is the last day of June The trees have their hand outstretched toward the sky Oh how I wish I could climb that high The smell of fresh cut grass Brings out my dog's sass

    I spent the early hours of the morning taking a long walk, before the heat takes over. It was both relaxing and peaceful. I plan to spend the day at the lake! I'm excited to sunbathe and be outside. I cannot believe a whole week has passed by this fast. 

    I took a short cut through a back road, but it really wasn't a "short cut." I would have shaved off 30 minutes of my drive home, but I got behind a semi who refused to drive the speed limit around the curves. The speed limit was 30 and he wouldn't get over 15 mph.      Passing zones you say? I tried that too. He would drive in center of the road, so no one could get around him. I was pissed. I beeped my hone a few times, but that was just to express my anger. The Range Rover behind me decided to flip me off and incessantly beep their hone for over 30 minutes after this incident. When we finally got to the freeway I passed the truck, beeped my hone, and drove on. These girls in the Range Rover pulled up beside me filming me as the driver cut over on me. They were screaming profanity. There are some crazy people out there. I just smiled and waved, as they continued to follow me for miles. I needed gas so I pulled into my favorite store.     ...

Fear Fear traps Fear hides Fear hates, but doesn't discriminate Fear has no color or creed Fear is decided upon us Fear is ingrained Fear is there Fear looks different to everyone Fear has no boundaries Fear seeps into the unknown Fear is always there Fear must be acknowledged Fear must be faced Fear can be overcome Fear has no exact face 

      It's just my luck! I went to a local swimming hole, and some outsiders have bought the land and posted up no trespassing signs! I don't have a single summer memory in my childhood that doesn't include splashing around at that lake spot. I own several acres of land, and I would never dream of posting it. I let people come and go as they please.       I'm really going to miss swimming at "my spot." I asked the land owner if I could still go there with permission. She just didn't say no, she said HELL NO!  I asked nicely. Can she just move back to Florida with her boundaries and signs? I don't understand why people move in and change things....

Dieting    It's harder than I thought it would be!  I'm a few pounds down, and it has been a hard road thus far. I still feel like there has to be an easier way. I'm still fighting with the Cpap machine as well. I called in yesterday to get some tips and tricks from their call in services. The man, Dan suggested that I wear it about an hour before I lay down. I will be trying this in the coming days.

Social Media  Social media has taught us how to hide  its a new wave or tide  People have lost their ability to talk  now all they do is cyber stalk Emotions are freely shared Like someone could actually care Sensory overload  Our pictures will never get old  Over exploiting who we are  Social media leaves us with scars  Aren't you always attached to your device  Never wondering if you need profession advice

   I'm sad to say that my last day house sitting was yesterday. I'm going to really miss the solitude and safety of being isolated. Maybe I'll get to escape again soon.  I have spent the morning on Facebook surfing through the various videos and posts. It's a different pace than what I had adjusted to. 

Solitude Silence is what the soul craves but the brain will not behave Every noise could be something scary Every situation seems hairy Solitude brings up thoughts we often hide Our dark side No one will guess what we're thinking No one will see us sinking We devour this time as it passes us by We will be forgotten like clouds in the sky Onward to see where we will go We'll always go with the flow

    I'm still here!  I cannot wait for them to return from their cruise. I'm not cut out to be alone all the time. I don't deal well when I have no one to communicate with. I wonder if other people have this same issue?      Today the goose chased me all the way to my car. I have to admit that it does scare me a little. The very large bruise on my hand is from battle scars with this same damn bird. I don't think I'd make a good farmer.

      I think blogging is an outlet! It's calming and satisfying at the same time. I'm thankful for these moments of clarity. I spend so much time doing things for everyone else, but this is specifically for me. I have been looking for other blogs to read. Do you guys have an recommendations? 

      The've been gone for two days now, and I don't know if I'm doing a good job with all the animals.  Mark my words "I'm never having any geese!"  I love their ducks, but one goose keeps trying to attack me. I have to walk with a stick to defend myself. This morning he chased me all the way to the steps. I think that is the fastest I've moved in forever!       It's my first experience with parrots, and I love them! They are both so sweet and gentle. As I walk by their cages, they call out to me. They remind me of loving dogs in a way. I'm still not used to being alone all the time. It has given me time to think about things. Instead of watching a house I'm finding out more about who I am without my family. It's basically like taking a vacation by myself! 

Dreams As the day comes to a close, and the storm slowly creeps in I think of all the places I've never been Depression takes all it can find It takes over the blood that should bind The thunder shudders in this distance do you think one day I'll miss this A battle fought everyday never knowing what to exactly say The only relief that finds me here Is to know that the end is so near The wind picks up her pace knowing she will not finish this race The people who think they know all will get to see the rise and the fall Dream deeply as the rain hits the tin Think no more of your previous sin The storm breaths inside you Don't be that bird that never flew don't trust everything they'll say because they never knew you dreamed of this day 

I have a loyal follower from Portugal. I just want to thank you for always reading my posts!  It would be even better if you would leave me a message!

    I often ponder what it's like to live a different life. I wonder how other people make it seem so easy,  and all I can do is fail. It's strange to be away from the house and my normal routine. I'm not used to being away for any amount of time, and I'm by myself. I never really go anywhere without friends or family.  This will be a time for me to really get away. I'm both excited and scared at the same time.     We are creatures of habit, and I'm ready to see what this will mean for me especially. The solitude alone may break me down, but I'm ready to try!  I'll get some good reading time in and some me time as well. I'll try to keep you guys posted on how things are going.

Night The darkness surrounds us there is no place to hide In the darkness deep inside A heart beats fast, but no one can help another story and yelp The cool air makes up wrap up tight I'm going to sleep and I'm giving up this fight I can hear it settling down Sometimes I wish I lived closer to town My dog begins to growl As I hear that opening howl The coyotes sing their mensing tune It's just another night in June

              I want to first of all thank the Aarons in Sylva NC for great customer service. The men who came out and delivered our stuff was super sweet! I'm thankful for stores like this that allow us to make payments. Who can really afford all that stuff at once? It's the little things in life that make me happy!

    I will be spending my second week of my summer vacation house sitting for my friend. What have I got myself into?  I think it will be exciting getting to take care of all their animals, but I also worry about failing. What is the proper protocol for house sitting? What duties must I preform? This will be my second time actually doing this. The first time was terrible! The lady I house sat for left me a horrible mess, and she didn't even offer to pay me. Her animals were nasty and hateful too!      I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I make the 1 1/2 hour drive to his house!  I promise to keep you guys posted. 

Hereditary        I love horror movies, but last night was a complete waste of time! This movie's trailer depicted  a thrilling movie that would leave you on the edge of your seat. Well, that was a complete lie. The first hour was so boring that I nodded off. Girl's night is supposed to be about watching good movies and having fun, but honestly this movie was false advertisement.       The ending will leave you asking questions, because so many things did not line up with the plot. I think this is my last time watching anything made by this director! 

Social Media       I think all forms of social media share aspects of each other, so what is the point. Facebook is a think of the past, and it seems to reach toward the older population. The younger generations want Instagram and Snapchat. They're basically all the same.        I have all three apps and enjoy each one of them. We over share as a population, and we have become desensitized as a nation. My students don't even react to dramatic events, so I feel as if we are over exposed to so many tragedies. We have become numb to reality. 

Empty Empty is the feeling of no remorse  Empty is the smell of stale bread that makes toast  Empty is the state of not caring  Empty is pity  Empty looks like depression Empty is a state of mind Empty is a place of darkness Empty is being alone  Empty is being left behind Empty could mean life has no meaning  Empty looks like a dark abyss  Empty soaks up all your energy 

NEW LIFE And so it has begun  we will lose all our fun a baby soon to be born a life style we will have to morn  I'm so excited to be an aunt  I'll have wishes that I have to grant Being an Aunt will be intense  the journey has already proved to be immense  I'll stand by your side  Even if you want to hide I'll be the friend you always needed instead of the ones we heeded 

Missing You Most days I sit and think of you in the car listening to Evan's Blue  It's the band we used to jam out to It's just not the same without you I finally deleted your messages today  because I had nothing else to say You're gone and not coming back  I still feel like a fallen down shack  I placed flowers on your grave  I stood there and tried to be brave  As tears fell down my face  I tried to remember my place  Friendship was lost and it was at a great cost I placed blue flowers by your side  tears of sadness I had to hide I still miss our cheesy jokes  and the laughing pokes  I wish I could have said goodbye  but then again you had to die I hope heaven is a nice place to be  may one day I'll get to see 

        My school took our students to see the new Star Wars movie the last week of school. I was pleasantly surprised that I liked the movie!  It was the first movie of the series that I have actually watched, and I believe it could be a stand alone movie without the series. My students seemed to all love it!  I think I might spend some time this summer watching all the movies!

2 Days     Teachers only have two days of work left, and I'm super excited to start my summer break! I don't have any real big plans. I would really love to go to the beach, but that doesn't seem like it's going to happen. I was asked to house sit for a friend, so that is one week taken.      This school year passed by so quickly! I still cannot believe I finished graduate school a few weeks ago. I still wake up panicked that I have forgot to do some homework. Maybe this feeling of urgency will diminish as time passes. I looked into several other options too. I think I might go back and get my AIG certification. This coming school year I will be teaching advanced English for the 8th grade. I hope I'm up to the task.           I still stress out over my ability to write! I still find many mistakes, but blogs are meant to be fun and entertaining. I'm thankful for all my viewers!  I just wish some of you would actu...

               Western North Carolina is being hit hard with RAIN!   We had about 30 minutes of sun today, and as it heated up the storm clouds came crashing in. My crop's roots will rot if this rain continues. I was late to work this morning because there was multiple trees blocking my drive way. Our power has been unstable for days, and the lake seems like it's going to burst.                 

       I had to complete a sleep study and the result indicated that I have sleep issues. I have had my machine for about 3 weeks and honestly it sucks. I'm having time adjusting to the pressure and the heated air. I'm glad I have started this weight loss program because I would have never found the other issues.        Last night I woke up panicked and choking. The power went off due trees falling. I couldn't get the light on, and my mask wouldn't unbuckle. I ended up ripping it off and screaming for mom. I'm hesitant about trying this again. It's funny to think about it NOW, but when it was happening, I was really freaked out!        Monday is my big weigh in day, and I'm terrified to see the numbers. I'm still struggling with sleep and dieting. I'm so tired by the time I get home that exercise is the furtherest thing from my mind. Tonight I took 30 minutes to complete...

     People my age are always questioning everything, so I questioning true meaning in music. I spend a large quantity of time listening to different genres of music, and I come to see that meaning has really left the music. The lyrics are about sex, drugs, alcohol, and gang related materials. What happened to music that brought emotions into our hearts?      I can remember being a young teen singing along with the radio, and being "in" the music. I just don't think our youth experiences this anymore. Everything has become so digitalized that they have lost the ability to picture what the songs are talking about. To them it's all about the beat.       My best friend had me listen to Logic's new album. He seems to rap about his life as a biracial American. I think he is going to be the next big thing in Hip Hop. I really hope to see his transformation!   What do you guys think?  Is this something you have found to be tru...

Summer  Summer is spent in hot humid days  Lazy days surrounded by a foggy haze  As time slips away Tomorrow is just another day  We lose track to time  As each day meets it rhyme  The lake is time well spent  and night fires are well lit  Lightening bugs surround us all  as we await the approaching Fall The smell of fresh cut grass  still is a soft place to land our ass The creeks are a nice retreat  but our nicely tanned skin is no real feat tan lines and sun glasses  come on and party with the masses  Its the time of year to worship the sun  don't worry about ruining all the fun  running through the sprinklers is what I imagine  also chasing the cloud dragons  Family outings await us all  as we measure up to whose tall picking black berries  and eating all the wild cherries 

Life Life is not easy, and it does go on Life leaves you like hanging up a phone Life is something that you cannot forget Life is running in the rain while getting wet Life is about making memories Life is about climbing trees Life is facing fears that hold you down Life is getting out of your small town Life is about taking chances Life is making up your own dances Life is about finding your own confidence Life is knowing there is no true consequence Life is about making sound decisions Life is about making having provisions Life is learning Life is finding that yearning Life is about quenching that thrust Life is not about always being first Life leaves us always wanting more Life is like hitting the floor 

Poem #153 I watched you go I watched you as you walked away  You didn't have anything left to say You turned the corner and never looked back  You didn't see my panic attack  What did a child do to deserve such treatment  To grow up with such resentment  You said you always wanted a son  Not a girl with her hair tied in bun I excelled in everything I do  But none of that matters to you  The look of disappointment always in your eyes  because I could always see beyond your lies  I watched you tear my family apart leaving my mother with a broken heart Drugs was always on your priority list Leaching the life out of you like a cancerous cyst  

    It's the last week of school for our students, and for me it is so depressing. I spent the morning packing up materials that I might possibly want to use next year. I watched another group of extraordinary eighth graders be promoted into the ninth grade. I had taught this group all three years they were in middle school. It's hard to believe that time has passed this fast!       I can still remember their first days of 6th grade. They came into middle school as small quiet students' and they have left transformed into teenagers ready to tackle their freshmen year!  As teachers we wear so many hats. On a daily average I'm a teacher, parent, disciplinarian, nurse, counselor, and friend. Only teachers would understand how much the last few days of schools are special. The kids change so much over the summer.      I dread the end of school. I feel as if I didn't get enough time to teach everything I wanted to cover. We...

Poem #152 Where will we go? Where will we go when all the world is lost and at what cost Where will we lay our heads down at night Who is going to fight our fight  Where will we end up at the end of the day Who will have that final say What rectangle hole will I be lowered down into  Only to forget a degree I didn't pursue  Who will be there in my last days Who will help me see through the haze  Did I do enough to make it in  Or did I live my life in complete sin Where will they lay me to rest Did I pass that final test Did I live a true life Or did I die being someone's ex-wife I was often think about the future and where I will end up. We all go through the same process of death, but I wonder who will be there and how everything will play out?  I'm not morbid, but at the same time I want to live a worthy life. We only get one chance at this! 

        Oh the dreaded treadmill has tackled again!  As I was completely my daily exercise, the power decided to flicker! This may seem harmless, but in reality this could potentially be fatal. The mat stopped and I continued to walk. When the power came back on, I was in the process of getting off the machine. The mat started back up and flung me into the wall. As comical as this all may seem, I was severally pissed! I don't know if it was the anger of my failure or the situation itself, but I decided to kick the machine.            Now my back and foot hurts!  I'm the one to blame. Getting Serious....           I have been working extra hard to deal with my weight. The hardest part for me is saying no. I avoid dinners and meals because I don't want to mess up. I see all these commercials on television and wonder what I'm doing wrong. It can't be this hard, but for me it is. After having two kne...

Lost Lost is the one who cannot find her way Who sees nothing but today She is the one who doesn't try new things Who ignores her folded wings Lost is the one who runs from everything new Who only belongs to the few She is the one who will always be alone  The doesn't pick up the ringing phone  Lost is the one who screams silently  Who loves violently  She is the one who ends up being strong Who has a journey that is long

Memorial Day     This weekend is most people's excuse to go out and party, but this girl is stuck here at home with strep throat. Mom and I waited until dark last night to go decorate graves, because I didn't want to make anyone sick. This stillness of the summer afternoon was very unsettling. Every family has different customs or traditions.  We usually spend every Memorial Day at the grave yard visiting family and decorating. This is a time for remembrance of our loved ones who passed serving our country.   I have never missed a Saturday, and if feels very strange to not be visiting with family.      Decoration      This is also the weekend that we decorate all our family's graves. This is as acred celebration where the we show our pride by displaying lavash flower decorations. Only in the south would you find a competition in flowers for head stones. It is publicly frowned upon if you leave a loved one's grave un-flowe...

The End...      I have just recently finished my master's program at Western Carolina University. This proved to be a long process of writing papers and completing research. The stress of having a full time job and being a full time student was tremendous.       I woke up this morning alarmed.  I thought that a project was due.  It has been a real life style change to transition back into a normal routine free from homework. I think I miss having deadlines and online meetings. As a teacher, I feel as if learning never truly ends, but rater it changes forms throughout each day. 

    I was surprised to find out that I would be eating 6 small meals a day.   This seems so strange to be eating so often and trying to lose weight at the same time. I have currently lost 5lbs and this is fantastic!   I started off at 261 and I'm counting down. I'm working on the movement portion of this life change. After two knee surgeries, I have lost my ability to sustain any rigorous exercise for any amount of time.       Oh how I loath meal replacement shakes! The sweetness and texture is enough to make me puke. Do any of you guys have any suggestions?     Come on! I need some encouragement!   The summer is almost here and school is almost over. I'm ready to spend some time nuturing myself. 

IT'S A NIGHT FOR CELEBRATION!!!    Today marks the last day of my master's program. I submitted my research project and I'm awaiting my final grades. This has been a long tough journey!  I can't believe it's all over, and I'm ready to move forward with my life. This program was more than a degree. I found who I was as a teacher!     I have started the process for weight loss surgery and this too has proved to be a trying journey. Attending weekly diet classes and appointments has been a real hassle, but I know everything will pay off in the end. There is a huge chance that my diabetes will go away and that I might not have to use the awful Cpap machine. I know this will not be an easy transition, but I must try something different.  I will try to keep you guys posted! 

     After a much heated debate, I have decided to come back to my precious blog. I'm currently finishing my master's degree at WCU, and things have been stressful. With the pressures of work, school and home, this girl is tired. I know I lost most of my followers, but hopefully they will return. Going back to college as an older adult was completely scary, and secretly I was terrified to face my younger peers. As it turns out, going back to school was the best choice I've made in a while. I feel as if I've been renewed in the teaching field.       You learn differently as you age. I have been a dedicated student my second time around. All readings were completed, turned in, and successfully executed. My only regret is waiting as long as I did. Facing fears is no small feat.