Man... That First YEAR

 Your baby's first year passes by so fast. Working and trying to juggle mom hood has been a real struggle for me. I feel like I missed out on so much of her "firsts."  She is walking now, and I cannot help but think back to her first crawling moment. She's is almost running now. It's sad that I didn't get to enjoy her first year because I was in survival mode. Endless tasks and mom guilt is a REAL thing. 


That first year...     Everything is overwhelming. Simple tasks seem enormous and beyond what I could handle. Even going to doctor's appointments was challenging. My appointments, not hers. My doctor offices made is seem like a bad thing that I had to bring my child with me. We don't all have extended family ready to help. She hasn't even spent a night away from me. Oh... and the first year shots!!! No one told me how hard it was going to be for me to watch my child get shots. The nurses were beyond nice, but it still didn't help with the tears. 


That first year... Relationships get challenged as well. You no longer have endless time to spend with your partner and it's a major adjustment. We didn't have "date" nights because I have an extremely hard time letting someone else care for her. We both work so we only get to see each other about two hours per day. 


That first year... defines you as a parent. In my opinion it makes or breaks you. My child was/is extremely fussy. She has yet to sleep through the night. With difficult health issues, and being a "single mom" in a relationship I have resorted to co-sleeping. Being the default parent comes with its own baggage. I don't know how others' have handled the first year blues, but I made it intact. Lack of sleep was the biggest hurdle. 


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